Change...

During a visit from my friends today I was struck with a sense of melancholy. There was nothing wrong in particular. I had had a good nights rest.

I had a productive afternoon and even escaped the kids and spousal unit this morning for some time alone at Target.

The laundry is done.

The house is picked up - I won't say it is clean, it is definitely not "clean" but sufficiently picked up all the same.

My children decided to act like urchins while our friends were over, but even that was alright. They are the type of friends that don't judge you if your kids are being obnoxious or if your house isn't sparkling clean. Their presence is always welcome at our home and so are their children. So it was not that I felt invaded as I do with some guests.

I was just blah.

My friends did manage to get me out of my funk. They always have funny stories that you can't help but laugh at. They left after a short visit, the Drill Sgt and the baby went to go lay down for a nap (they are still napping) and my daughter went upstairs to play quietly in her room. I was left downstairs in a quiet house. I started going through things to get rid of in a yard sell.

As I always do when I start cleaning, I let my mind wonder off to try to figure out, "What was I in a funk about?"

I'm in a funk about change...

The baby is changing into a terrible 2-year-old, complete with "I-can-do-it-myself" attitude and horrible fits - screaming, hitting, kicking fits!

My daughter is changing into what I can only imagine is like a preteen. She isn't listening, has a crush on a movie star, and comes complete with a "I-know-it-all" attitude. Talking back is becoming one of her specialties

The Drill Sgt is changing into a burnt out worker. He comes complete with fatigue, general grumpiness and a "I-hate-my-job" attitude. I can't blame him, but he never comes home happy and if the subject of work comes up he gets stressed out.

And me...

I've changed too. I once was a 20-something girl with energy, personality, and drive. Now, well, I'm still a 20-something, but I'm tired and just feel blah.

I need a change - for the better.

(In no particular order...)

First, I need to start working out again. I have gained WAY too much weight and I do not like it. When the Drill Sgt started working nights it took away my time walking/running every night. So I need to find a way to exercise and drop some of this weight. It's not good for me, it makes you tired, and it's definately not attractive.

Second, I need a change in appearance. Not just the weight thing - that is mainly for the health aspect. I need a change in my general appearance. I need to start taking the time to fix my hair again and put on make-up again. I've slacked off. I feel better when I take that extra time on myself - I feel more confident and the Drill Sgt says it shows. I need a new hairstyle/cut, maybe even a different shade of brown. I'm a bit of a haircolor whore. I've had my hair every shade, but blonde. I tend to prefer a caramel color - sort of a Jennifer Anniston color. So maybe that is what I need.

Third, I need a change in my interests. I need to find an interest that I enjoy and actually do. I'm not sure I know what I like anymore. I can tell you what every member of my family likes and what they love to do, but I can't tell you what I like. I used to like painting. I used to like sewing. I used to like reading Historical War books. I used to like a lot of things. But I don't know what I like now. I like cake decorating - a lot, but let's face it, how many cakes can I make just to do it? And what do I do with them when I finish them - See Point #1 in what I need to change. So I need to figure out or find something I like.

Fourth, I need a change in my general routine from time to time. My days tend to run together with the same activities from day to day. Which is good most of the time, but every now and then I need to go out and dance. YES, I said Dance! And maybe even have a few drinks. Actually the drinks usually come before the dancing, but damnit, I want to have a good time every now and then and cut loose. Not every week, or even every month, but every couple of months I need to go out for one night to have fun.

Fifth, I need a change in attitude. I need to loose some of my pessimism and gain some optimism. When did I become such a bad-news-Betty?! I need to start looking for the silver-lining and seeing glasses half-full or something like that.

Now, let's see how much of this change actually happens. I want to do it all, but I have commitement issues, logistical issues, and Laziness issues as well.

I'll keep you posted on positive changes (maybe a few negative ones too).... That is unless I change my mind...

~Rambling Jenn~